ROFL. Not a problem. Things working as designed. Next!
For what it's worth, my post was intended to be framed from the standpoint of "what am I doing wrong??" rather than "what's wrong with the system?!". I figured I was missing something stupid.
Never hurts to have extra eyes. I didn't even think about the potential for this to be a scheduled job... God, I have a case of the Mondays.
Not your fault at all. I did not mention it in my OP. Whoops. Perhaps I'm the one with a case of the Mondays.